A tribute performed by 1,500 CPDRC Inmates on June 27, 2009 in memory of Michael Jackson. Completed in 10 hours after receiving word that the King of Pop passed away. May he always be remembered. "Ben" and "I'll be there" were sung by Michael when he was still younger! "We are the World" was composed and organized by MJ.




Beautiful tribute, and gives me a glimpse how Michael has touched the world. Rest in peace, dearest Michael Joseph Jackson.

Some people can be really ignorant to the contributions of this great man, Michael Jackson.

If you don't care, fine, you've lost the chance to celebrate him when he was alive.

All I ask is:

Don't even criticize him in front of me. Don't even give me any look, or scoff, or hiss, or anything. If you don't like MJ, for this period of time, stay the hell away from me.

If not, I'll make sure you'll cry one way or another.

So don't.

It explains why I was so sad yesterday. Which I thought, was for no reason.

Rest in peace, Michael Jackson.


I still love you.

I feel like something's totally different.

Something inside of me, is awaken. Calling me to fight once more. To fight all the fear, and all the doubt I have had of myself.

I am beginning to do things I've not been doing anymore. I smiled at strangers. I looked people right in the eye, and I am strong enough to choose not to fight for the small things.

I am beginning to see the bigger picture. And to hold on to that.

There is a strong urge in my soul to find a greater purpose. A grand one.

Now I know where the funny Aisyah had went. To pull out the Siti that was healing inside.


Siti Aisyah.

I didn't know such power that lies in my name.

Welcome back.

:P

I'm still here, and well. Getting better!

Not much post cause I've been blogging personal stuffs privately.

I'm thinking, what is raytracing? Global illumination, layered shaders? And afraid that I might aim too big that I'll overcomplicate things. Like I've always did. But it made me learn much faster, with great consequences also.

And, my voice is finally able to sing well, albeit it being only at the low notes. Not much range yet. Hanging on stiLL! :P Of course, the more I improve, I get more excited, I will start to over-train myself. Which of course makes me go back a few steps, due to sore throat, or loss of voice.

Guitar and WaCOM. Money come flying to me now! If I had a dollar for every time someone said that...

Transformers have finally arrived! Can't wait to watch!!! Loves Shia and Megan and those awesome badass robots. Mad TV is HOT, on a random note.

I think it's just me? Cause I love hot guys who kiss each other. If they are straight, even better. But no, girls kissing just turns me off.

I've been playing left 4 dead for god-knows-how-long, and I still can't master my turning of character! I will start to panic when there's a horde and just start spraying bulllets, or I will turn slowly to make sure I see everything right.

My wrists hurt bad, cause been carrying heavy stuff of library, wiping dusts here and there. BizIt Library is moving people! Near Red Bridge, and be sure to drop by there! It's a building on its own now, yet still smaller than main library.


And I want my funny Aisyah back. I miss her, bad.

My post is getting shorter yeah? Cause I don't really like the way I write.

It ain't interesting. It doesn't have much value to share to you.

Successful blogs entertain, teach, and invoke/provoke you somehow.

Mine? Uh-huh, just ramblings of how I feel so sad that my shower isn't heating as fast as it should. And how I think bananas always look wrong.

Nothing inspiring ain't it? XDDD

Reading a lot of things that making me move forward. Like FINALLY. Been stuck back and forth with my i-want-to-glue-myself-on-you habits.

My life's dementors are running away. For good.


:)

I just want to say, I've finally conquered the fear of exercising. I exercised and for the first time, really love the feel of perspiration rolling on my skin. The heat waves when my blood surged everywhere to release the heat.

Oh wow, it feels like I can feel every vein.

And I want to exercise again. I really do now.

It wasn't fear of being tired, or the pain. It was the fear that I might give up someday, that I might forget the purpose of exercising, that I would end up being disappointed again.

That would sucked.

But yeah, I love this. I don't mind exercising now.


;)

Wow, I have a very fascinating thought.

If you have no fear, no limitations, where would you be?

Would you be the best succesful person there is? Or the worst?

Had a very good party yesterday!! Watched a freaking hilarious movie, that I laughed until I choked on air.

HAHA! Land of the lost, is very recommended for nonsensical humour that is guranteed to make you laugh~ And it made me hate bug bugs. EWW!

:P

I just woke up after reaching home at 12am yesterday. It feels like I've drink a lot of alcohol and am having a very bad hangover right now.


I swear my body produces its own type of alcohol everytime I laugh.
LAWL, it's halal at least.


A lot of thanks and love to Mr Kenny Ong who made the best party of the month! I love his house, so much games, and toys, and a spacious area for a nice bbq.

Let's go there again guys~ Not soon, but during another vacation~Lovely bondage.
I MEAN, bonding time.

XD

I had a dream today.

I dreamt that I was on my bed, coughing with dried up tears. I looked at my watch, and it said "Tuesday, the 30th". Then, I saw my hand, wrinkled, and with spots.

I tried to sit up, but I have no strength. I looked at my house, and it was quiet. I called out for anybody, but no one answered.

I felt afraid, and I wanted to pee.

Then, I felt a big sharp pain in my abdomen. It was so painful I cannot even scream. Then the world slowly faded, and I wasn't able to breathe. I felt dizzy and at that point, I knew I was going to die..

And I woke up, trembling. With tears in my eyes, I realized I just dreamt that I died alone.

If I had to die, I wished I would die in my sleep, and not even know if I died alone or not. I would have nice dreams before I go.


I don't want to know.

I read a quote about how happiness should be from inside, and not from other people, or material stuff.

The problem with me is, "I don't know what's empty inside." I don't know what it is that's causing me to be unhappy.

Do you even know what's making you feeling empty? Always seeking other people and stuff to fill yourself up?

Imagine, a world without people. Can I even be happy?! Come on, get real. It will be boring! And, I might just try doing stupid things to not be lonely.

Happyiness needs both ways. You can't just have it from the inside. You need outside as well.

But it will be of course better, if you are happy inside as well. So, anyone knows how to be really happy inside?

Meditation, zen? More sleep? Gratitude? Appreciation? Faith?

And sometimes, self-help books should be renamed as "The Misguided Ones". Most of the self-help books are short-term stuff, not long term. It's pretty much bull.

OMG. I finally finish all of my assignments,.. for now.

SERIOUS man. I finished all of them after toiling for three weeks and a half straight, 3am.

And, oh god, I wish I could just steal you. Really steal you and make you mine.

Of course, that ain't gonna happen. I'm nice. And the fact that the way you think is so similar to me doesn't really help me lessen the temptation.

You're so delicious.

Never mind then. Let me be the grapes for the fox this time round.

;)


Sleeping beauty,
awakened by the slushing sea
of glassy ruby.

From now on, I shall reveal who I truly am. The way I blog may be different, for that girl was my facade. A way for me to fit in a society which I don't really relate to.

I do live in my own world, blinded by my own strengths and faults.

Don't touch me to make me feel better. Touch me because I am your special one. Don't touch me because you're obligated. Touch me because you long to do so.

I dislike touches that don't mean anything, especially of only lust or anger. I will hate you for it. Especially if a stranger bumps into me many times, especially in MRT's. Of course, it ain't their fault. However, sometimes some of them don't even bother to mantain their balance and keep bumping other people. I almost ,by a strand of hair's patience, cursed and claw that man in the face, maybe include some spit too. Get some balls to balance yourself.

Much as the saying goes "Tell the people you love, that you love them." Well, I don't. If you know me, I don't really express that affection through words. Words are not of utmost importance to me. People are different. Some wants you to say you love them a million times. I don't need that. I want you to show me, to make me believe you care. The meaning, the actions are what I hold on to. If I love you more than anything, I would go up to you and touch you. Massage you, cuddle you. Touching is my way of showing a peek of my heart and my acceptance.

That's why touching for me is a big deal. I am not very open that way but if I do, I give up my soul for you.

In the back of my head, I secretly believe I am unlovable. That if someone did love me, they are lying. That they are mocking me. Trying to deceive me, so I would give up something for them, so I would be at their mercy. Believing that everyone around me just don't really like me as a whole. If I do something that I want but go against them, I will lose everything. My ugly, my beauty. Yes, I have my issues.

Why am I exposing so much right now, right here? If you're affected by what I say, I just want you to know, you're not alone.

Many people feel lonely because they hide their true hearts behind that million dollar smile and that shiny red car.

To B-A:
Well, you've said you've gave them a chance. Gave even me a chance. But, did you really? Your mere smile was not really there for the others, for me to easily approach you. From my view, you bury yourself in entertainment and your own convictions, that they owe you. Maybe you should have instead made a move. If you want to go, you have my best wishes. Let us part with smiles.


Why does love always feel like a battlefield?

I am just beat.

And why did I ever like him? I mean, right now, he is nothing special. Just a random dude trying to pave his way in life. How did I made him so special before? I don't know, it escapes me. And to think I cry over him.

My life wasn't always like this. I wasn't that chick who could just strike a conversation with anyone. I was that chick who was so called, the outcast. The fucking bitch, they would say. The ones who cannot keep her secrets and other secrets to herself. The one who tries to burrow herself in magazines and books, and homework just to make sure she looks like she don't need a friend.

Basically, the one. The lonely one.

I don't know how I get so gregarious. And.. yes, people I do have a past. People sometimes bug me when they say, "So Aisyah, where did all your primary and secondary school friends go?"

"Wah, you so little friend huh? No life outside"

Who are you to judge how much life I have? Just because I don't seem to have as much friends as you do doesn't mean a shit. Not at all. For all I care, all your so called friends are just acquaintances. The few that you said I have, is the few that ever really stuck to me. I'd rather have a few best friends, then tons of acquaintances. Yeah, contacts, whatever. But sometimes, these acquaintances are just people that use you and to be used by you. Just that. Not much deeper connection.

I don't need that. If I do need people to be used, I can easily find them. And I don't have to waste time, mantaining the 'relationship'.

Sorry if I make it sound as though people are so disposable. But, this is how I protect myself. I don't just let anyone stick to me. Either they are my trusted ones, or they are out. Once I feel like the other party doesn't really value me that much, appreciate and all that shit, then, I'll start backing away.

People come and go.

I don't know why I am blogging about this. I am just insulted when people value my worth by counting how many friends I have. They keep doing this to the point I just want to bash their mouth. Maybe even their brain.

And I am also disgusted if you think that friends are like trophies to be showed off. Friends are responsibilities, people to be loved, taken care of, and really be your family. It's like an oath. One can never get to know anyone completely. NEVER. Everyone is so much full of so many layers. If you can have so many friends and still do your best part for every one of them, then I respect you. If not, fuck off.

My worth is for me to judge. If you don't like what I can offer to you, you can walk away. As simple as that.

And I am so fucking pissed by the minute. I think I just need my sleep.

I think I need to have some of my memories robbed away from me. I just took the wrong turn. I have made that mistake again. Thrice.

I need advice. I need help to get out.

I don't want to carry this on any longer. I want a way out. It's enough that I've suffered for something that I need.

It's not something I deserve. I didn't ask for this.

Not at all.

I will get out. I've promised.

A tribute performed by 1,500 CPDRC Inmates on June 27, 2009 in memory of Michael Jackson. Completed in 10 hours after receiving word that the King of Pop passed away. May he always be remembered. "Ben" and "I'll be there" were sung by Michael when he was still younger! "We are the World" was composed and organized by MJ.




Beautiful tribute, and gives me a glimpse how Michael has touched the world. Rest in peace, dearest Michael Joseph Jackson.

Some people can be really ignorant to the contributions of this great man, Michael Jackson.

If you don't care, fine, you've lost the chance to celebrate him when he was alive.

All I ask is:

Don't even criticize him in front of me. Don't even give me any look, or scoff, or hiss, or anything. If you don't like MJ, for this period of time, stay the hell away from me.

If not, I'll make sure you'll cry one way or another.

So don't.

It explains why I was so sad yesterday. Which I thought, was for no reason.

Rest in peace, Michael Jackson.


I still love you.

I feel like something's totally different.

Something inside of me, is awaken. Calling me to fight once more. To fight all the fear, and all the doubt I have had of myself.

I am beginning to do things I've not been doing anymore. I smiled at strangers. I looked people right in the eye, and I am strong enough to choose not to fight for the small things.

I am beginning to see the bigger picture. And to hold on to that.

There is a strong urge in my soul to find a greater purpose. A grand one.

Now I know where the funny Aisyah had went. To pull out the Siti that was healing inside.


Siti Aisyah.

I didn't know such power that lies in my name.

Welcome back.

:P

I'm still here, and well. Getting better!

Not much post cause I've been blogging personal stuffs privately.

I'm thinking, what is raytracing? Global illumination, layered shaders? And afraid that I might aim too big that I'll overcomplicate things. Like I've always did. But it made me learn much faster, with great consequences also.

And, my voice is finally able to sing well, albeit it being only at the low notes. Not much range yet. Hanging on stiLL! :P Of course, the more I improve, I get more excited, I will start to over-train myself. Which of course makes me go back a few steps, due to sore throat, or loss of voice.

Guitar and WaCOM. Money come flying to me now! If I had a dollar for every time someone said that...

Transformers have finally arrived! Can't wait to watch!!! Loves Shia and Megan and those awesome badass robots. Mad TV is HOT, on a random note.

I think it's just me? Cause I love hot guys who kiss each other. If they are straight, even better. But no, girls kissing just turns me off.

I've been playing left 4 dead for god-knows-how-long, and I still can't master my turning of character! I will start to panic when there's a horde and just start spraying bulllets, or I will turn slowly to make sure I see everything right.

My wrists hurt bad, cause been carrying heavy stuff of library, wiping dusts here and there. BizIt Library is moving people! Near Red Bridge, and be sure to drop by there! It's a building on its own now, yet still smaller than main library.


And I want my funny Aisyah back. I miss her, bad.

My post is getting shorter yeah? Cause I don't really like the way I write.

It ain't interesting. It doesn't have much value to share to you.

Successful blogs entertain, teach, and invoke/provoke you somehow.

Mine? Uh-huh, just ramblings of how I feel so sad that my shower isn't heating as fast as it should. And how I think bananas always look wrong.

Nothing inspiring ain't it? XDDD

Reading a lot of things that making me move forward. Like FINALLY. Been stuck back and forth with my i-want-to-glue-myself-on-you habits.

My life's dementors are running away. For good.


:)

I just want to say, I've finally conquered the fear of exercising. I exercised and for the first time, really love the feel of perspiration rolling on my skin. The heat waves when my blood surged everywhere to release the heat.

Oh wow, it feels like I can feel every vein.

And I want to exercise again. I really do now.

It wasn't fear of being tired, or the pain. It was the fear that I might give up someday, that I might forget the purpose of exercising, that I would end up being disappointed again.

That would sucked.

But yeah, I love this. I don't mind exercising now.


;)

Wow, I have a very fascinating thought.

If you have no fear, no limitations, where would you be?

Would you be the best succesful person there is? Or the worst?

Had a very good party yesterday!! Watched a freaking hilarious movie, that I laughed until I choked on air.

HAHA! Land of the lost, is very recommended for nonsensical humour that is guranteed to make you laugh~ And it made me hate bug bugs. EWW!

:P

I just woke up after reaching home at 12am yesterday. It feels like I've drink a lot of alcohol and am having a very bad hangover right now.


I swear my body produces its own type of alcohol everytime I laugh.
LAWL, it's halal at least.


A lot of thanks and love to Mr Kenny Ong who made the best party of the month! I love his house, so much games, and toys, and a spacious area for a nice bbq.

Let's go there again guys~ Not soon, but during another vacation~Lovely bondage.
I MEAN, bonding time.

XD

I had a dream today.

I dreamt that I was on my bed, coughing with dried up tears. I looked at my watch, and it said "Tuesday, the 30th". Then, I saw my hand, wrinkled, and with spots.

I tried to sit up, but I have no strength. I looked at my house, and it was quiet. I called out for anybody, but no one answered.

I felt afraid, and I wanted to pee.

Then, I felt a big sharp pain in my abdomen. It was so painful I cannot even scream. Then the world slowly faded, and I wasn't able to breathe. I felt dizzy and at that point, I knew I was going to die..

And I woke up, trembling. With tears in my eyes, I realized I just dreamt that I died alone.

If I had to die, I wished I would die in my sleep, and not even know if I died alone or not. I would have nice dreams before I go.


I don't want to know.

I read a quote about how happiness should be from inside, and not from other people, or material stuff.

The problem with me is, "I don't know what's empty inside." I don't know what it is that's causing me to be unhappy.

Do you even know what's making you feeling empty? Always seeking other people and stuff to fill yourself up?

Imagine, a world without people. Can I even be happy?! Come on, get real. It will be boring! And, I might just try doing stupid things to not be lonely.

Happyiness needs both ways. You can't just have it from the inside. You need outside as well.

But it will be of course better, if you are happy inside as well. So, anyone knows how to be really happy inside?

Meditation, zen? More sleep? Gratitude? Appreciation? Faith?

And sometimes, self-help books should be renamed as "The Misguided Ones". Most of the self-help books are short-term stuff, not long term. It's pretty much bull.

OMG. I finally finish all of my assignments,.. for now.

SERIOUS man. I finished all of them after toiling for three weeks and a half straight, 3am.

And, oh god, I wish I could just steal you. Really steal you and make you mine.

Of course, that ain't gonna happen. I'm nice. And the fact that the way you think is so similar to me doesn't really help me lessen the temptation.

You're so delicious.

Never mind then. Let me be the grapes for the fox this time round.

;)


Sleeping beauty,
awakened by the slushing sea
of glassy ruby.

From now on, I shall reveal who I truly am. The way I blog may be different, for that girl was my facade. A way for me to fit in a society which I don't really relate to.

I do live in my own world, blinded by my own strengths and faults.

Don't touch me to make me feel better. Touch me because I am your special one. Don't touch me because you're obligated. Touch me because you long to do so.

I dislike touches that don't mean anything, especially of only lust or anger. I will hate you for it. Especially if a stranger bumps into me many times, especially in MRT's. Of course, it ain't their fault. However, sometimes some of them don't even bother to mantain their balance and keep bumping other people. I almost ,by a strand of hair's patience, cursed and claw that man in the face, maybe include some spit too. Get some balls to balance yourself.

Much as the saying goes "Tell the people you love, that you love them." Well, I don't. If you know me, I don't really express that affection through words. Words are not of utmost importance to me. People are different. Some wants you to say you love them a million times. I don't need that. I want you to show me, to make me believe you care. The meaning, the actions are what I hold on to. If I love you more than anything, I would go up to you and touch you. Massage you, cuddle you. Touching is my way of showing a peek of my heart and my acceptance.

That's why touching for me is a big deal. I am not very open that way but if I do, I give up my soul for you.

In the back of my head, I secretly believe I am unlovable. That if someone did love me, they are lying. That they are mocking me. Trying to deceive me, so I would give up something for them, so I would be at their mercy. Believing that everyone around me just don't really like me as a whole. If I do something that I want but go against them, I will lose everything. My ugly, my beauty. Yes, I have my issues.

Why am I exposing so much right now, right here? If you're affected by what I say, I just want you to know, you're not alone.

Many people feel lonely because they hide their true hearts behind that million dollar smile and that shiny red car.

To B-A:
Well, you've said you've gave them a chance. Gave even me a chance. But, did you really? Your mere smile was not really there for the others, for me to easily approach you. From my view, you bury yourself in entertainment and your own convictions, that they owe you. Maybe you should have instead made a move. If you want to go, you have my best wishes. Let us part with smiles.


Why does love always feel like a battlefield?

I am just beat.

And why did I ever like him? I mean, right now, he is nothing special. Just a random dude trying to pave his way in life. How did I made him so special before? I don't know, it escapes me. And to think I cry over him.

My life wasn't always like this. I wasn't that chick who could just strike a conversation with anyone. I was that chick who was so called, the outcast. The fucking bitch, they would say. The ones who cannot keep her secrets and other secrets to herself. The one who tries to burrow herself in magazines and books, and homework just to make sure she looks like she don't need a friend.

Basically, the one. The lonely one.

I don't know how I get so gregarious. And.. yes, people I do have a past. People sometimes bug me when they say, "So Aisyah, where did all your primary and secondary school friends go?"

"Wah, you so little friend huh? No life outside"

Who are you to judge how much life I have? Just because I don't seem to have as much friends as you do doesn't mean a shit. Not at all. For all I care, all your so called friends are just acquaintances. The few that you said I have, is the few that ever really stuck to me. I'd rather have a few best friends, then tons of acquaintances. Yeah, contacts, whatever. But sometimes, these acquaintances are just people that use you and to be used by you. Just that. Not much deeper connection.

I don't need that. If I do need people to be used, I can easily find them. And I don't have to waste time, mantaining the 'relationship'.

Sorry if I make it sound as though people are so disposable. But, this is how I protect myself. I don't just let anyone stick to me. Either they are my trusted ones, or they are out. Once I feel like the other party doesn't really value me that much, appreciate and all that shit, then, I'll start backing away.

People come and go.

I don't know why I am blogging about this. I am just insulted when people value my worth by counting how many friends I have. They keep doing this to the point I just want to bash their mouth. Maybe even their brain.

And I am also disgusted if you think that friends are like trophies to be showed off. Friends are responsibilities, people to be loved, taken care of, and really be your family. It's like an oath. One can never get to know anyone completely. NEVER. Everyone is so much full of so many layers. If you can have so many friends and still do your best part for every one of them, then I respect you. If not, fuck off.

My worth is for me to judge. If you don't like what I can offer to you, you can walk away. As simple as that.

And I am so fucking pissed by the minute. I think I just need my sleep.

I think I need to have some of my memories robbed away from me. I just took the wrong turn. I have made that mistake again. Thrice.

I need advice. I need help to get out.

I don't want to carry this on any longer. I want a way out. It's enough that I've suffered for something that I need.

It's not something I deserve. I didn't ask for this.

Not at all.

I will get out. I've promised.