Wow. Been looking through my past post. WHAT A ROLLER COASTER MAN!
Wow, totally blown away by my strength, my highs and how sad I had been. & How stupid and crazy I was. Very dark times, and I had actually survived, typing this post today. I read about how crazy I was for that guy, and this guy, and I am like.. WTF? What the fuck was I thinking? That and this and those guys were pathetic! WTTTFFFF...
LOL. Sighs. The pleasures of growing up.
If only I had been this mature, those pain wouldn't have happened. Never mind.
I realised how low my self-confidence was. I felt like I do not deserve anything worthy. Inside, I felt ugly, stupid, worthless, just simply disgusting. I felt like I was the epitome of Frankenstein trying to be a beautiful girl.
WTF, again.
I read how I was so happy making new friends at SP, jamming, and enjoying my first CCA there. I read how much I have wasted my time, trying to figure out something so simple (when I look back at it now).
I actually worshipped my SP life. Laugh out loud man!
Wow. Today, I had a real laugh at myself!
The immaturity, the crushes, the so-called 'depression' mode. I actually was a poet! I read back on my other blog, the post, wow. I actually am able to write nice poems, because why? Yes, I was emo. Emo to the core, writing poems about death, unrequited love and how I am such a pitiful soul.
Wah laooo ehh.. I can't believe I went that low. But hey, I am thankful that I gone through it and came out wiser, and stronger.
One day, when I have a happy family and all, I am going to let them read my post, and let my children see, I've been stupid before, and I survived, so no worries!
:D Loves to my past Siti Aisyah, and thank you for being strong!
Using my love and channel it to the whole class. Still care, but numbing it.
KAMELOT : My favourite progressive/symphonic metal band!
Don't worry. Play the video, its a song called 'Abandoned' by Kamelot. NO, not those metal song, its very melodic, and soothing. Try it~ But its pretty sad.
OMG. EXAM IS OVER! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Seriously people.. it's like.. I am a year 2! Okay, that won't be good news. But hey, at least NOW is the good news!
Java was like damn easy! I wish Maths was too! :`( Anyway, I think I am going to play like nobody's business. Maybe stalk people's house toO! WOOOO!
Hard Gayyyy.. Is <3333333.
I totally can't wait for class outing! I have high hopes for that, and I hope I can achieve my goals and make it the best day for everyone! I feel so melancholic now. All the memories. Oh well, at least I have them. Store them when I feel sad, for my own happy pills. XDDDDDDDDD
And oh yes, I will be writing about all of my lovely friends in DDM 1B01, very very soon. It is in progress. Check this space out soon!
-------- Been reading some life stuff. Realised I am very afraid of intimacy. Super afraid. Cause when I let myself be so vulnerable like that, I will get hurt, badly. I take quite a long time to recover from pain. Which isn't good.
I feel emotions 2x more powerful than normal people. I realised that two years ago. But, I will see where I can try to take away that fear barrier, and embrace someone special in my life with open arms.
My heart shut down. I am turning it on again. To full mode. And I hope this time, my mind can help guard it. With the help of my loved ones.
Before I start out the post, I would like to thank Sebastian for making my day today. Seriously, the best thing I've ever heard in my life! (don't get excited, its just a joke he told me) For those who know, LOL!!
Went out with XT, WAN JUN, SHIN PUAY and LI PING! XDDD Watched White Palms! Actually, I kind of understand what's its all about, but its just not impactful enough to entertain me after being owned by maths!
And its ending is super sudden! Xiang Ting was like.."Aiyah, going to end.. haha!" Then, the lights came on. FOOOOO! Really end man!
XSSSSS. Maths slaughtered me until I become halal.. MATHHHSSS.. WHY?!!
I LOVE HARD GAYY. Cheeryl made me super happy today by introducing to me Hard Gay. Woah, if I have to marry a gay man, that will be the man for me!!
(Deleted sad stuff. Summary of sad stuff: Rage + Acceptance & In Denial.)
Wow.. I had some alone time today and just be myself! I dance, scream go crazy, cried for no reason, and just jiggy, and just squealed!! I embraced any shameful feeling that comes my way. I feel so wonderful! I didn't realise how much I have been repressing until today.
Woah, just discovered lots of new things about myself. & I have never felt freer until now. I should do this more often!
I realise how much society's common sense has restricted me. So many things that I should have let out but I keep holding and pushing away.
Siti has difficulty making decisions. Her mind changes constantly. She lives in an emotional tug of war. Siti could be described like a thermometer. Today warm and friendly, yet tomorrow she may be distant and cold, not wanting to be close to anyone.
Some research indicates that people with a severe variety in the slant of their handwriting have an inability to tolerate sugar and are suffering the side-effects of too much sugar in their diet. If moods swings are a reoccurring issue, investigate the diet.
If Siti encounters a situation she cannot handle she frequently pulls into herself. She feels her emotions are secure if she is withdrawn. When she has solved the problem she can be very outgoing and again need other people's companionship. Some see Siti as very moody, but it it would be more accurate to say she has two complete personalities that she chooses depending on the circumstance. This type of person is often hard to understand because no one knows what personality she is exhibiting today. She may not be bothered by something one minute, then the next minute become upset at the same thing. It is very difficult to pin down Siti's emotional expressiveness.
People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Siti doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.
Siti exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although she may not intend to deceive or mislead, she blows things way out of proportion because that is the way she views them. She will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of her material world. Siti allows many people into her life because she is accepting and trusting. She is sometimes called gullible by her friends. That only really means that she trusts too many people. Siti has a vivid imagination.
For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Siti has left lots of white space on the right side of the paper. Siti fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Siti has an unhealthy relationship to the past and has a fear of moving forward. The right side of the page represents the future and Siti seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future. Siti seems to be clinging to past events and spending lots of time thinking about what happened. It would be best to leave the past behind and move on. Stop crowding that left margin.
Siti can be defiant. She sometimes has the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way she is doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which she thinks are infringing upon her freedom of action.
Siti is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.
Diplomacy is one of Siti's best attributes. She has the ability to say what others want to hear. She can have tact with others. She has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Siti can disagree without being disagreeable.
Siti is a cumulative and procedural thinker. She likes to have all the facts before making a decision. She thinks or creates much like a brick mason, stacking fact upon fact. Her thought pattern or the conclusion will not be complete until the last fact is in place. Like that brick wall, Siti learns faster through visual demonstration than through quick verbal instructions. Once she has learned new material, and understood it, she won't forget.
Siti is a methodical thinker, therefore she is able to build things and come up with new ideas. In an argument, she often loses to rapid thinking people because she is thinking thirty minutes later about what she should have said. These people often are very booksmart, but can be out-gunned in a rapid fire verbal debate.
She may learn new ideas at a slower pace than other "less detailed" people, but once she gets it, she can handle repetition. Some people hate jobs with too much repetition, she can handle it better than most.
Siti's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Siti that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. Siti also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Siti is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Siti's self-concept is artificially low. Siti will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Siti to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Siti is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.
Siti is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.
Siti has a tendency to put things off, Siti procrastinates. She sometimes pretends to be busy, so she will not have to do whatever she is putting off. She is often late to appointments or deadlines. This usually leads to a great amount of effort at the last minute to meet the deadline. Procrastination is an important factor as it relates to her output on the job or at school. Remember, Siti will put it off until later. Procrastination is easily overcome through a simple stroke adjustment in the handwriting.
Something is incomplete in Siti's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Siti's sexual needs.
I've learned- That you cannot make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. I've learned- That it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. That it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts. I've learned - That you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you better know something. That you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do. That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I've learned- That it's taking me a long time to become the person that I want to be. That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I've learned- That you can keep going long after you can't. That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I've learned- That either you control your attitude or it controls you. That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is a first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place. I've learned- That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. That money is a lousy way of keeping score. I've learned- That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down will be the ones to help you get back up. I've learned- That sometimes when I get angry I have the right to be angry, but it doesn't give me the right to be cruel. That true friendship continues to grow over the longest distance, and the same goes for true love. I've learned- That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I've learned- That you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what tragedy it would be if they believed it. That no matter how good your friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while, and you must forgive them for that. I've learned- That it isn't always good enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you must learn to forgive yourself. That no matter how bad a heart is broken; the world doesn't stop for your grief. I've learned- That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for whom we become. That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean that they don't love each other, and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do. I've learned- That we don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change. That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I've learned- That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. I've learned- That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. ¢¾that the people you care about the most in life are taken from you too soon ¢¾ I've learned- That it¡¯s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting someone¡¯s feelings or standing up for what you believe. That no matter what happens to me on earth or how much my faith falters, God's faith in me never dwindles or fails. I've learned- That life's lessons never end and wisdom can always be passed on.
THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR LOVELY COMMENTS AND TAGS!!
I think I have moved on. Cause I can accept the fact that things won't be the same, and for worse or for better, I will stay strong, and get better each time.
YES! I am back lovelies, and for hell or for heaven, I have come back to bring havoc once again! WOOHOO~ And , yes, happy valentine's day everyone!
I think I feel comforted when being sad, it feels natural. It feels out of place to be happy. Wow, that just explains how long I have been sad. Okay, let's try happyness now eh?!
I am changing my lifestyle now, skip all the sad songs, skip all the sad moments, skip all the bad and the ugly. I am going to be focusing on everything happy, insane and beautiful stuff~ OH YEAHHHH..
Mindless Self-Indulgence keeps me high~
AND.. I can't believe it! I just can't believe how ... Wahh, I don't know what to say anymore.
When he disappeared just like that for the numpteenth time, something inside me just snapped. That's it. Over. My wait for you ends now. No more. I don't care if there was hope, if it could have been. I have a life, and I am not going to waste it on someone who doesn't appreciate me when I am there. What's the point of thinking about someone who just disappears whenever he likes?
I still like him, but I have a stronger urge to just leave it there. To just let him drown like I did. To just let him go find some other girl that can make him happy. My quit is his loss. Go find some other girl who is nice, cute, and you know basic female traits. Pretty, shy shy, gentle and etc. I am not like that.
I am just fucking noisy man..
I had enough share of wasting tears on 'what-if's.
Let me share the things I love about you:
I like how you run your fingers through your hair. I like how you remember our jokes. I like how you traumatise me with your tongue. I like how you play and tease me. I like how you made faces. I like how you look straight into my eyes when we talk. I like how you are so high on something that is lame. I like how just you coming to school brightens my whole day. I like how you just smile that crooked smile when I tease you. I like how you walk around, asking how others are doing. I like how you make 'sick' jokes, and I just can't help but laugh myself to tears. I like how you ponder and think about something. I like the sound of your laughter. I like it when you sing something with all your heart, no matter what language. I like just knowing you are beside me/somewhere near. I love how you dared to talk to me when I tried to avoid you. I love how random you can be. I love the way you scare me.
I dislike your sudden disappearance. I dislike your love to speak in Chinese, when I am smack in the middle between you and the other person. I dislike how sometimes you don't try to add into conversation. I dislike how you just sometimes cut yourself off from other people. I dislike how you make me feel when you don't come to school. I dislike how you look so sad and I don't have the courage to cheer you up. I dislike it when you want help, and I don't know how to help. I dislike it when you just don't give a damn about me.
Whatever, as if you're gonna read. And if you are, I am ready to expect that you have no response whatsoever.
I dislike that my feelings is one-sided. I can tell by the way you treat me.
I like a lot of things about you, but oh sorry, I didn't see where you disappeared to.
I know. I am just a friend. All I am saying is, I want to let you know, you are handsome & charming in your special way. & an asshole in others.
But all the same, you are special.
And if you think its you, don't be cocky. Ask me first, cause it might not be you.
And why am I writing this post? Cause I might never get the chance to say this ever, if I wait too long.
One more day left till school is over. & I don't feel too good right now. I mean, I feel like I just want to be high, but the rest.. (okay, some still remain quite high) just ... don't seem to care? I don't know.
I really am missing all of them already. But, I don't think they all miss me the way I do, except for a few close to me. I just feel so broken inside, when I go around making so much noise.. and the response is so lukewarm. But I just keep trying. Maybe, just maybe, they will respond more.
I can't even bear the thought of how I can tahan with other people. Am I ever get to be this high? Is the class bonding ever going to be this good? What the fuck am I doing?
I still have assignments, I also have cca's and I got other plans as well. Why am I only the one attending most of the classes, making so much noise, and trying to pump the class up? At least some did try to make the class noisy. Okay, for Ethel, I understand, cause got a lot of things for her. The rest? I don't think so.
I wish I could go back to the drawing lessons time. I wish I can go back, so I can make everyone more noisy than they are now. I was too slow. I was so afraid, so caved into myself. And I was shy. Extremely shy, in a subtle way. I was an idiot.
Its okay, I tried my best. I got close to most of you, and I hope my time with you has made an excellent difference in your life.
Remember me. Goodbye.
Whatever man. If you guys just keep talking in Chinese, fine. Go ahead. I don't wanna care. Just tell me when the Chinese part is over, so I can talk and listen.
Enjoy your holidays, your long-awaited holidays. I need some time alone, which I think I have a lot, to get over my emotions.
wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. Sorry, was I too vulgar? FUCK FUCK FUCK.
A funny video about how a guy creatively plays Mozart~
I Love You, Now and Forever If you’re ever going to love me, Love me now, while I can know All the sweet and tender feelings Which from real affections flow. Love me now, while I am living: Do not wait till I am gone And then chisel it in marble . . .warm Love words on ice-cold stone. If you’ve dear, sweet thoughts about me Why not whisper them to me. Don’t you know ‘twould make me happy And as glad as glad could be? If you wait till I am sleeping, Ne’er to waken here again There’ll be walls of earth between us And I couldn’t hear you then. So, Dear, if you love me any, If it’s but a little bit, Let me know it now while living: I can own and treasure it.
Wow. Been looking through my past post. WHAT A ROLLER COASTER MAN!
Wow, totally blown away by my strength, my highs and how sad I had been. & How stupid and crazy I was. Very dark times, and I had actually survived, typing this post today. I read about how crazy I was for that guy, and this guy, and I am like.. WTF? What the fuck was I thinking? That and this and those guys were pathetic! WTTTFFFF...
LOL. Sighs. The pleasures of growing up.
If only I had been this mature, those pain wouldn't have happened. Never mind.
I realised how low my self-confidence was. I felt like I do not deserve anything worthy. Inside, I felt ugly, stupid, worthless, just simply disgusting. I felt like I was the epitome of Frankenstein trying to be a beautiful girl.
WTF, again.
I read how I was so happy making new friends at SP, jamming, and enjoying my first CCA there. I read how much I have wasted my time, trying to figure out something so simple (when I look back at it now).
I actually worshipped my SP life. Laugh out loud man!
Wow. Today, I had a real laugh at myself!
The immaturity, the crushes, the so-called 'depression' mode. I actually was a poet! I read back on my other blog, the post, wow. I actually am able to write nice poems, because why? Yes, I was emo. Emo to the core, writing poems about death, unrequited love and how I am such a pitiful soul.
Wah laooo ehh.. I can't believe I went that low. But hey, I am thankful that I gone through it and came out wiser, and stronger.
One day, when I have a happy family and all, I am going to let them read my post, and let my children see, I've been stupid before, and I survived, so no worries!
:D Loves to my past Siti Aisyah, and thank you for being strong!
Using my love and channel it to the whole class. Still care, but numbing it.
KAMELOT : My favourite progressive/symphonic metal band!
Don't worry. Play the video, its a song called 'Abandoned' by Kamelot. NO, not those metal song, its very melodic, and soothing. Try it~ But its pretty sad.
OMG. EXAM IS OVER! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Seriously people.. it's like.. I am a year 2! Okay, that won't be good news. But hey, at least NOW is the good news!
Java was like damn easy! I wish Maths was too! :`( Anyway, I think I am going to play like nobody's business. Maybe stalk people's house toO! WOOOO!
Hard Gayyyy.. Is <3333333.
I totally can't wait for class outing! I have high hopes for that, and I hope I can achieve my goals and make it the best day for everyone! I feel so melancholic now. All the memories. Oh well, at least I have them. Store them when I feel sad, for my own happy pills. XDDDDDDDDD
And oh yes, I will be writing about all of my lovely friends in DDM 1B01, very very soon. It is in progress. Check this space out soon!
-------- Been reading some life stuff. Realised I am very afraid of intimacy. Super afraid. Cause when I let myself be so vulnerable like that, I will get hurt, badly. I take quite a long time to recover from pain. Which isn't good.
I feel emotions 2x more powerful than normal people. I realised that two years ago. But, I will see where I can try to take away that fear barrier, and embrace someone special in my life with open arms.
My heart shut down. I am turning it on again. To full mode. And I hope this time, my mind can help guard it. With the help of my loved ones.
Before I start out the post, I would like to thank Sebastian for making my day today. Seriously, the best thing I've ever heard in my life! (don't get excited, its just a joke he told me) For those who know, LOL!!
Went out with XT, WAN JUN, SHIN PUAY and LI PING! XDDD Watched White Palms! Actually, I kind of understand what's its all about, but its just not impactful enough to entertain me after being owned by maths!
And its ending is super sudden! Xiang Ting was like.."Aiyah, going to end.. haha!" Then, the lights came on. FOOOOO! Really end man!
XSSSSS. Maths slaughtered me until I become halal.. MATHHHSSS.. WHY?!!
I LOVE HARD GAYY. Cheeryl made me super happy today by introducing to me Hard Gay. Woah, if I have to marry a gay man, that will be the man for me!!
(Deleted sad stuff. Summary of sad stuff: Rage + Acceptance & In Denial.)
Wow.. I had some alone time today and just be myself! I dance, scream go crazy, cried for no reason, and just jiggy, and just squealed!! I embraced any shameful feeling that comes my way. I feel so wonderful! I didn't realise how much I have been repressing until today.
Woah, just discovered lots of new things about myself. & I have never felt freer until now. I should do this more often!
I realise how much society's common sense has restricted me. So many things that I should have let out but I keep holding and pushing away.
Siti has difficulty making decisions. Her mind changes constantly. She lives in an emotional tug of war. Siti could be described like a thermometer. Today warm and friendly, yet tomorrow she may be distant and cold, not wanting to be close to anyone.
Some research indicates that people with a severe variety in the slant of their handwriting have an inability to tolerate sugar and are suffering the side-effects of too much sugar in their diet. If moods swings are a reoccurring issue, investigate the diet.
If Siti encounters a situation she cannot handle she frequently pulls into herself. She feels her emotions are secure if she is withdrawn. When she has solved the problem she can be very outgoing and again need other people's companionship. Some see Siti as very moody, but it it would be more accurate to say she has two complete personalities that she chooses depending on the circumstance. This type of person is often hard to understand because no one knows what personality she is exhibiting today. She may not be bothered by something one minute, then the next minute become upset at the same thing. It is very difficult to pin down Siti's emotional expressiveness.
People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Siti doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.
Siti exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although she may not intend to deceive or mislead, she blows things way out of proportion because that is the way she views them. She will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of her material world. Siti allows many people into her life because she is accepting and trusting. She is sometimes called gullible by her friends. That only really means that she trusts too many people. Siti has a vivid imagination.
For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Siti has left lots of white space on the right side of the paper. Siti fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Siti has an unhealthy relationship to the past and has a fear of moving forward. The right side of the page represents the future and Siti seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future. Siti seems to be clinging to past events and spending lots of time thinking about what happened. It would be best to leave the past behind and move on. Stop crowding that left margin.
Siti can be defiant. She sometimes has the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way she is doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which she thinks are infringing upon her freedom of action.
Siti is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.
Diplomacy is one of Siti's best attributes. She has the ability to say what others want to hear. She can have tact with others. She has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Siti can disagree without being disagreeable.
Siti is a cumulative and procedural thinker. She likes to have all the facts before making a decision. She thinks or creates much like a brick mason, stacking fact upon fact. Her thought pattern or the conclusion will not be complete until the last fact is in place. Like that brick wall, Siti learns faster through visual demonstration than through quick verbal instructions. Once she has learned new material, and understood it, she won't forget.
Siti is a methodical thinker, therefore she is able to build things and come up with new ideas. In an argument, she often loses to rapid thinking people because she is thinking thirty minutes later about what she should have said. These people often are very booksmart, but can be out-gunned in a rapid fire verbal debate.
She may learn new ideas at a slower pace than other "less detailed" people, but once she gets it, she can handle repetition. Some people hate jobs with too much repetition, she can handle it better than most.
Siti's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Siti that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. Siti also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Siti is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Siti's self-concept is artificially low. Siti will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Siti to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Siti is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.
Siti is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.
Siti has a tendency to put things off, Siti procrastinates. She sometimes pretends to be busy, so she will not have to do whatever she is putting off. She is often late to appointments or deadlines. This usually leads to a great amount of effort at the last minute to meet the deadline. Procrastination is an important factor as it relates to her output on the job or at school. Remember, Siti will put it off until later. Procrastination is easily overcome through a simple stroke adjustment in the handwriting.
Something is incomplete in Siti's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Siti's sexual needs.
I've learned- That you cannot make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. I've learned- That it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. That it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts. I've learned - That you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you better know something. That you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do. That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I've learned- That it's taking me a long time to become the person that I want to be. That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I've learned- That you can keep going long after you can't. That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I've learned- That either you control your attitude or it controls you. That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is a first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place. I've learned- That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. That money is a lousy way of keeping score. I've learned- That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down will be the ones to help you get back up. I've learned- That sometimes when I get angry I have the right to be angry, but it doesn't give me the right to be cruel. That true friendship continues to grow over the longest distance, and the same goes for true love. I've learned- That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I've learned- That you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what tragedy it would be if they believed it. That no matter how good your friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while, and you must forgive them for that. I've learned- That it isn't always good enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you must learn to forgive yourself. That no matter how bad a heart is broken; the world doesn't stop for your grief. I've learned- That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for whom we become. That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean that they don't love each other, and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do. I've learned- That we don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change. That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I've learned- That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. I've learned- That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. ¢¾that the people you care about the most in life are taken from you too soon ¢¾ I've learned- That it¡¯s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting someone¡¯s feelings or standing up for what you believe. That no matter what happens to me on earth or how much my faith falters, God's faith in me never dwindles or fails. I've learned- That life's lessons never end and wisdom can always be passed on.
THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR LOVELY COMMENTS AND TAGS!!
I think I have moved on. Cause I can accept the fact that things won't be the same, and for worse or for better, I will stay strong, and get better each time.
YES! I am back lovelies, and for hell or for heaven, I have come back to bring havoc once again! WOOHOO~ And , yes, happy valentine's day everyone!
I think I feel comforted when being sad, it feels natural. It feels out of place to be happy. Wow, that just explains how long I have been sad. Okay, let's try happyness now eh?!
I am changing my lifestyle now, skip all the sad songs, skip all the sad moments, skip all the bad and the ugly. I am going to be focusing on everything happy, insane and beautiful stuff~ OH YEAHHHH..
Mindless Self-Indulgence keeps me high~
AND.. I can't believe it! I just can't believe how ... Wahh, I don't know what to say anymore.
When he disappeared just like that for the numpteenth time, something inside me just snapped. That's it. Over. My wait for you ends now. No more. I don't care if there was hope, if it could have been. I have a life, and I am not going to waste it on someone who doesn't appreciate me when I am there. What's the point of thinking about someone who just disappears whenever he likes?
I still like him, but I have a stronger urge to just leave it there. To just let him drown like I did. To just let him go find some other girl that can make him happy. My quit is his loss. Go find some other girl who is nice, cute, and you know basic female traits. Pretty, shy shy, gentle and etc. I am not like that.
I am just fucking noisy man..
I had enough share of wasting tears on 'what-if's.
Let me share the things I love about you:
I like how you run your fingers through your hair. I like how you remember our jokes. I like how you traumatise me with your tongue. I like how you play and tease me. I like how you made faces. I like how you look straight into my eyes when we talk. I like how you are so high on something that is lame. I like how just you coming to school brightens my whole day. I like how you just smile that crooked smile when I tease you. I like how you walk around, asking how others are doing. I like how you make 'sick' jokes, and I just can't help but laugh myself to tears. I like how you ponder and think about something. I like the sound of your laughter. I like it when you sing something with all your heart, no matter what language. I like just knowing you are beside me/somewhere near. I love how you dared to talk to me when I tried to avoid you. I love how random you can be. I love the way you scare me.
I dislike your sudden disappearance. I dislike your love to speak in Chinese, when I am smack in the middle between you and the other person. I dislike how sometimes you don't try to add into conversation. I dislike how you just sometimes cut yourself off from other people. I dislike how you make me feel when you don't come to school. I dislike how you look so sad and I don't have the courage to cheer you up. I dislike it when you want help, and I don't know how to help. I dislike it when you just don't give a damn about me.
Whatever, as if you're gonna read. And if you are, I am ready to expect that you have no response whatsoever.
I dislike that my feelings is one-sided. I can tell by the way you treat me.
I like a lot of things about you, but oh sorry, I didn't see where you disappeared to.
I know. I am just a friend. All I am saying is, I want to let you know, you are handsome & charming in your special way. & an asshole in others.
But all the same, you are special.
And if you think its you, don't be cocky. Ask me first, cause it might not be you.
And why am I writing this post? Cause I might never get the chance to say this ever, if I wait too long.
One more day left till school is over. & I don't feel too good right now. I mean, I feel like I just want to be high, but the rest.. (okay, some still remain quite high) just ... don't seem to care? I don't know.
I really am missing all of them already. But, I don't think they all miss me the way I do, except for a few close to me. I just feel so broken inside, when I go around making so much noise.. and the response is so lukewarm. But I just keep trying. Maybe, just maybe, they will respond more.
I can't even bear the thought of how I can tahan with other people. Am I ever get to be this high? Is the class bonding ever going to be this good? What the fuck am I doing?
I still have assignments, I also have cca's and I got other plans as well. Why am I only the one attending most of the classes, making so much noise, and trying to pump the class up? At least some did try to make the class noisy. Okay, for Ethel, I understand, cause got a lot of things for her. The rest? I don't think so.
I wish I could go back to the drawing lessons time. I wish I can go back, so I can make everyone more noisy than they are now. I was too slow. I was so afraid, so caved into myself. And I was shy. Extremely shy, in a subtle way. I was an idiot.
Its okay, I tried my best. I got close to most of you, and I hope my time with you has made an excellent difference in your life.
Remember me. Goodbye.
Whatever man. If you guys just keep talking in Chinese, fine. Go ahead. I don't wanna care. Just tell me when the Chinese part is over, so I can talk and listen.
Enjoy your holidays, your long-awaited holidays. I need some time alone, which I think I have a lot, to get over my emotions.
wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. Sorry, was I too vulgar? FUCK FUCK FUCK.
A funny video about how a guy creatively plays Mozart~
I Love You, Now and Forever If you’re ever going to love me, Love me now, while I can know All the sweet and tender feelings Which from real affections flow. Love me now, while I am living: Do not wait till I am gone And then chisel it in marble . . .warm Love words on ice-cold stone. If you’ve dear, sweet thoughts about me Why not whisper them to me. Don’t you know ‘twould make me happy And as glad as glad could be? If you wait till I am sleeping, Ne’er to waken here again There’ll be walls of earth between us And I couldn’t hear you then. So, Dear, if you love me any, If it’s but a little bit, Let me know it now while living: I can own and treasure it.
More About Me
Well, I love myself and sometimes I just wish I was like, Paris Hilton. Not PEREZ, that ugly journalist.
Anyway, I am pretty addicted to social life. I crave lazing around, and just hug everybody.
But of course, I don't dare to do that, cause people tend to assume wrong things.
I hate it when people like you and make you feel guilty, like it's your fault that they like you.
Get a grip, and all I wanted was just friendship.
Pretty much all of the things I do, I do sometimes out of fear, or love.
Usually its fear. But if I do the best things, it's love for sure.
Siti has difficulty making decisions. Her mind changes constantly. She lives in an emotional tug of war. Siti could be described like a thermometer. Today warm and friendly, yet tomorrow she may be distant and cold, not wanting to be close to anyone.
People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Siti doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others. 
Siti exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although she may not intend to deceive or mislead, she blows things way out of proportion because that is the way she views them. She will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of her material world. Siti allows many people into her life because she is accepting and trusting. She is sometimes called gullible by her friends. That only really means that she trusts too many people. Siti has a vivid imagination.
For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Siti has left lots of white space on the right side of the paper. Siti fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Siti has an unhealthy relationship to the past and has a fear of moving forward. The right side of the page represents the future and Siti seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future. Siti seems to be clinging to past events and spending lots of time thinking about what happened. It would be best to leave the past behind and move on. Stop crowding that left margin.
Siti can be defiant. She sometimes has the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way she is doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which she thinks are infringing upon her freedom of action.
Siti is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.
Diplomacy is one of Siti's best attributes. She has the ability to say what others want to hear. She can have tact with others. She has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Siti can disagree without being disagreeable.
Siti is a cumulative and procedural thinker. She likes to have all the facts before making a decision. She thinks or creates much like a brick mason, stacking fact upon fact. Her thought pattern or the conclusion will not be complete until the last fact is in place. Like that brick wall, Siti learns faster through visual demonstration than through quick verbal instructions. Once she has learned new material, and understood it, she won't forget.
Siti's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Siti that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. Siti also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Siti is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Siti's self-concept is artificially low. Siti will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Siti to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Siti is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.
Siti is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.
Siti has a tendency to put things off, Siti procrastinates. She sometimes pretends to be busy, so she will not have to do whatever she is putting off. She is often late to appointments or deadlines. This usually leads to a great amount of effort at the last minute to meet the deadline. Procrastination is an important factor as it relates to her output on the job or at school. Remember, Siti will put it off until later. Procrastination is easily overcome through a simple stroke adjustment in the handwriting.
Something is incomplete in Siti's life. She feels frustration relating to her physical needs and desires. Somewhere in her life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Siti's sexual needs.