I am inside the dancing room right now, seeing everyone shake their ass. LOL. But the music is upbeat and the whole group is pouring with energy. Woah, faster to the beat everyone!

Yesterday, I had the best Tuesday of my life. Theatre Compass was fun for once, and the whole time during DDM classes, I keep laughing with my friends. Their all damn funny. Wen Jie, made something so pure into something obscene. That expert..Go put at his blog somemore. And Xiang Ting, LOL! Make me laugh until my stomach have no future!

Today, Java lesson I was lost. Hehe. Slack too much until JavaApplet also I don't know. Gotta stand up girl, gotta shove the dirt back on the ground! VAF, wahh all the quiz I also don't know how to answer. XP

Shin Puay, wah ... make me laugh like siao woman. Not that I am not xiao already, but.. *gigglesToshinPuay* Remember the 'hmmm?' part, girl? :)

I just realise the Maths lesson that is coming next semester, is A MATHS! Ohgosh.

Instead of holding you, I was holding out.
I should've let you in, but I let you down.
You were the first to give ,I was the first to ask.
Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance.

I should've known, took you and I for granted
Gotta let you know, I was never underhanded.
Tell by your tone, I've taken it too far again.
(Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again.)

My friends are telling me they saw you with someone.
(Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again.)
You turned around so I could tell you what took so long.
I don't know why i ever waited to say.
Cuz I'm just dying just to see you again .

Instead of holding you, I was holding out.
I should've let you in, but I let you down.
You were the first to give, I was the first to ask.
Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance.

My last mistake, putting my friends first.
I tried to laugh it off but I made things worse.
You were the first to give, I was the first to ask.
Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance.

What you give is always what you get.
There's so much I haven't given yet.
If you could give another second chance.
(Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again.)

So hard to breathe away from you,
I keep thinking,
what am I to do,
what am I to do
to get close to you?

I don't wanna push you away,
nor hurt myself in any way,
but if this is how its turning out,
I'll just dream of us going out.

I have to tread slowly,
cautious, don't touch me.
No, I don't hate you,
just afraid of losing you.

Am I being insecure?
Cause damn hell I ain't perfect.
I've got fears and my worries,
and I don't want another sad story.

Do say what's in your heart,
open up whats on your mind,
I can't take this silence,
shut me up or surrender.

Dang. Why am I going so lovey-dovey...?? ish ish ish..

Suddenly, there is this load of burden on my chest. No, not the negative kind. Its more of something that bothers me in a positive way. What is it, you ask. Its the burden of not telling people I love, that I love you.

If you're my family, I love you in all your strange ways.
If you're my friend, I love you very much.
If you're someone I smile to, I love you.
No, and yes, I cannot smile to someone whom I really hate.

The smile doesn't reach my eyes.

And when someone talks bad about someone else, I feel a rush of sickness forming in my stomach. Even if the bad qualities are true, I still feel guilty about gossiping. Yes, I do gossip, and yes, I do feel guilty. So, I am going to try to steer away from gossiping. It's not going to be easy, but like Jordin Sparks said, one step at a time.

And if I do need to vent out my frustration or complain, I shall be objective about it, no matter how hard that can be on me.

I am gonna try,
I am gonna try to be alive,
To appreciate what I have, and still desire for more,
To dare myself to love and to receive love,
To show my love through words and actions,
and most of all,
to overcome fear with love to live
a life I dream it to be - no regrets. :)

Some part of me was awakened by Ethel's recent post. The more real side of me, someone people never see.

Maybe I shall use this blog to let my other side express herself.

I've seek for a lot of temporary highs, going after guys that are not worth my time. Stupid. Thinking that if I continue feeling high, everything would turn out alright. Homework piles up and my mind struggles to find a goal worth seeking in life. Yes, passions such as my dreams to be a singer makes me feel alive. But after so long, my heart is dying. So tired of holding on to things that seem to keep going further and further away.

Why am I so easily hurt? Words have such an impact, and I wonder if I have made myself so weak. Neglecting myself to keep others happy, putting smiles when inside, my castle has already crashed into pieces. Sometimes feeling an outcast gives me a soothing feeling, reminding me that I didn't lose my individuality to the crowd. Other times, yes it hurts a lot. Feels like I am not suppose to belong. That the bond among themselves runs deeper than my friendship. But what can I say? Ask them to keep translating for me? Soon, they would find it a burden.

And to you people who keep calling me a burden, yes, it was funny in the moment. But think about it. What is so funny about calling other people a burden? Maybe this world full of violence and cruel stuff has made you stop thinking about what you've just said. I tried to push these thoughts away. Yet, you keep saying I am. And I start to think, do you really think so? That you said what you've felt in the disguise of a joke? You can say whatever you want, such as I can't take a joke or whatever. The joke is on me, and I don't think its funny at all.

I don't understand why people can take things such as coming to class lightly. You don't feel like coming, you don't come, is that it? Do you think I always feel like coming? I could have just said, "Let them be. It's their life, They can do whatever they want."

But is that what you really want coming from your classmate, if not a friend? Have you ever thought how much money this course cost? Do you think you could run away from it all by delaying everything? It isn't the whole day, so why not just pay attention for a few hours and gain something? Instead of going somewhere else, and keep worrying about these things? Stand up for yourself and ask yourself , "If I carry this on, where would I be down the road?". Sometimes if you let your heart rule, it would destroy you.


& trust me, it is hard rebuilding yourself up when you reach a level so low.

After this year is over, I wonder where we all will end up. Will you achieve your dreams? Will we be still in contact or too busy caught up with all the stuff in life? Or are we just friends so we can do our work? And how can I tell? People change, and when its for the bad, I almost stop believing in hope.

Don't misunderstand me. I don't hate anyone. I am not using this post as means to attack anyone. I am the one who feel attacked, and I want you to know before everything boils over.

Whoa. MEGA Achievement today! Did parts of my car! In maya lah, not through machine. Omg, I cannot believe I went through today. I was so frustrated about why the bloody image plane cannot align. I kept searching for ways until I feel sick.

AND THE WORST PART WAS, I tried to do everything without a freaking MOUSE!

I was so angry, I literally keep pulling my hair. Luckily, their all still in tact.

I was not able to zoom in or shift my viewpoint. The image plane was so out of alignment with each other, the size of the car kept going wrong! I was so freaking pissed, I annoyed everyone in my house. LOL. My mother came to my rescue and with a firm instruction, made me go to the shop and buy a new mouse. My father told me which mouse I should use, and my mother bought it for me. Thank you!!

After more than half a day trying to figure out how to align the images well, I found the cure! I tried to do something with those images through photoshop, make sure all are the same scale.. Still turn out wrong in Maya. I just resize them in Maya. One simple step took me so long. Gosh. Nvm, I learn the most important step~

Now, I can declare I love Maya. Doing the car makes me so motivated! I believe I can finish my car in a weeks time.

:)

Listening to : Beep by PussyCat Dolls. (very uplifting for me)

Today is a wonderful day!! Omgosh, went jamming after school! And the most strangest thing is, I am beginning to love 3D a lot. I guess when I know how to do something, I begin to be very curious and experiments, start creating something beautiful. Doing a car btw, and I am loving it. Challenging but still doable. Yesh~

Wonderful day : (In no any order, but it does get better and wackier as you read on)
1. I am escstatic throughout the day! Usually, I emo after lessons end. I begin to have creepy thoughts sneaking into my mind. But after reading self-help book, I fucking push the thoughts away and.. wow.

2.I finally believe I am multi-talented both academics, personally, in life and in my own passions. You might not understand what Ima saying, but I've always thought I had limits. Actually, I didn't, if I know where to look.

3.Went jamming and learn some piano notes of my favourite musical piece from Wan Jun. Thank you Wan Jun!! And wow, even just learning four keys, Ima so happy!

4. I have earned the reputation to be the class clown. Always dreamt to be one, and yes, I've finally did it. I have an ultimate passion to make everyone laugh with me and love me. And the first part, I am very sure. Second part, Ima reaching!

5. I am catching up with my assignments! Had panic attacks that literally never allowed me to breathe for some periods of time. It's freaking scary cause death keeps being so real to me. And the panic attacks are caused because I never do my assignments! Ima glad I spent quiet, long time (4 hours & so on) to think again and again about my ideas. I'm finally doing my purddyy maya car!! Purdy and cute. :)

6. Xiang Ting made me laugh very long, and I actually really laughed and beat her! And what's more! My stomach ache like hell, and I love it! Imagine, I didn't think laughter could be forced. But it can be done! And wow, laughing like that makes me go insane up there, and.. wacky ideas come into my head. Thank you Xiang Ting!!

7. I pretended to strum guitars in the MRT! Woah. Imagine, me strumming guitars while strangers look and even stared at me! Ethel lend me her earpiece, and I listened to Avril Lavigne's song. I got so high that I literally start to face the people and start strumming guitar. Some people look funny at me, but I DON"T CARE! Cause they are jealous they can't do that.

8. I screamed at two people buying food at the KFC! HAHA! Cause I was queing up to buy food before going jamming. I turn around to see Wan Jun, Sebastian and Jie jun they all coming to queue up as well. So I turnt BACK around to the KFC menu to decide what to buy. And out of nowhere, Jie Jun poke me! It was kind of painful and so damn sudden, I screamt at the people in front of me. They literally look at me like I am one kind of freak, and stared at me funny. Gosh, I was so embarrased. But I got away with it. And hehehe, I enjoyed it!

*sarcastically---> Thanks Jie Jun... ! XDDDD

9. Took gorgeous pictures of water droplets falling from the roof, and with the light bulbs around, it looks like diamonds falling. WOAHHH! <333 muacks, love those pictures.

10. Saw on documentary TV that werewolves and vampires has a very high chance of EXISTING! Hopefully, can meet nice ones and be friends with them! Maybe can be like them.. CHOY!

11. DDM 1A01 got crazy today during DVDE lessons! Emoing under the chair, strangling each other, laughing until the whole face put blusher, opening up more to one another and talk with each other like in a campfire.. Ohmy, beautiful moments! And thank god, I came today!

And with these lovely reasons, I would like to go to sleep to enjoy the incoming beautiful day! Adios & Sayonara!

P.S.::*don't worry, I'll blog soon enough!

I am inside the dancing room right now, seeing everyone shake their ass. LOL. But the music is upbeat and the whole group is pouring with energy. Woah, faster to the beat everyone!

Yesterday, I had the best Tuesday of my life. Theatre Compass was fun for once, and the whole time during DDM classes, I keep laughing with my friends. Their all damn funny. Wen Jie, made something so pure into something obscene. That expert..Go put at his blog somemore. And Xiang Ting, LOL! Make me laugh until my stomach have no future!

Today, Java lesson I was lost. Hehe. Slack too much until JavaApplet also I don't know. Gotta stand up girl, gotta shove the dirt back on the ground! VAF, wahh all the quiz I also don't know how to answer. XP

Shin Puay, wah ... make me laugh like siao woman. Not that I am not xiao already, but.. *gigglesToshinPuay* Remember the 'hmmm?' part, girl? :)

I just realise the Maths lesson that is coming next semester, is A MATHS! Ohgosh.

Instead of holding you, I was holding out.
I should've let you in, but I let you down.
You were the first to give ,I was the first to ask.
Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance.

I should've known, took you and I for granted
Gotta let you know, I was never underhanded.
Tell by your tone, I've taken it too far again.
(Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again.)

My friends are telling me they saw you with someone.
(Just when I thought I'd gone and wrecked it all again.)
You turned around so I could tell you what took so long.
I don't know why i ever waited to say.
Cuz I'm just dying just to see you again .

Instead of holding you, I was holding out.
I should've let you in, but I let you down.
You were the first to give, I was the first to ask.
Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance.

My last mistake, putting my friends first.
I tried to laugh it off but I made things worse.
You were the first to give, I was the first to ask.
Now I'm in second place, to get a second chance.

What you give is always what you get.
There's so much I haven't given yet.
If you could give another second chance.
(Just when I thought I'd gone and fixed it all again.)

So hard to breathe away from you,
I keep thinking,
what am I to do,
what am I to do
to get close to you?

I don't wanna push you away,
nor hurt myself in any way,
but if this is how its turning out,
I'll just dream of us going out.

I have to tread slowly,
cautious, don't touch me.
No, I don't hate you,
just afraid of losing you.

Am I being insecure?
Cause damn hell I ain't perfect.
I've got fears and my worries,
and I don't want another sad story.

Do say what's in your heart,
open up whats on your mind,
I can't take this silence,
shut me up or surrender.

Dang. Why am I going so lovey-dovey...?? ish ish ish..

Suddenly, there is this load of burden on my chest. No, not the negative kind. Its more of something that bothers me in a positive way. What is it, you ask. Its the burden of not telling people I love, that I love you.

If you're my family, I love you in all your strange ways.
If you're my friend, I love you very much.
If you're someone I smile to, I love you.
No, and yes, I cannot smile to someone whom I really hate.

The smile doesn't reach my eyes.

And when someone talks bad about someone else, I feel a rush of sickness forming in my stomach. Even if the bad qualities are true, I still feel guilty about gossiping. Yes, I do gossip, and yes, I do feel guilty. So, I am going to try to steer away from gossiping. It's not going to be easy, but like Jordin Sparks said, one step at a time.

And if I do need to vent out my frustration or complain, I shall be objective about it, no matter how hard that can be on me.

I am gonna try,
I am gonna try to be alive,
To appreciate what I have, and still desire for more,
To dare myself to love and to receive love,
To show my love through words and actions,
and most of all,
to overcome fear with love to live
a life I dream it to be - no regrets. :)

Some part of me was awakened by Ethel's recent post. The more real side of me, someone people never see.

Maybe I shall use this blog to let my other side express herself.

I've seek for a lot of temporary highs, going after guys that are not worth my time. Stupid. Thinking that if I continue feeling high, everything would turn out alright. Homework piles up and my mind struggles to find a goal worth seeking in life. Yes, passions such as my dreams to be a singer makes me feel alive. But after so long, my heart is dying. So tired of holding on to things that seem to keep going further and further away.

Why am I so easily hurt? Words have such an impact, and I wonder if I have made myself so weak. Neglecting myself to keep others happy, putting smiles when inside, my castle has already crashed into pieces. Sometimes feeling an outcast gives me a soothing feeling, reminding me that I didn't lose my individuality to the crowd. Other times, yes it hurts a lot. Feels like I am not suppose to belong. That the bond among themselves runs deeper than my friendship. But what can I say? Ask them to keep translating for me? Soon, they would find it a burden.

And to you people who keep calling me a burden, yes, it was funny in the moment. But think about it. What is so funny about calling other people a burden? Maybe this world full of violence and cruel stuff has made you stop thinking about what you've just said. I tried to push these thoughts away. Yet, you keep saying I am. And I start to think, do you really think so? That you said what you've felt in the disguise of a joke? You can say whatever you want, such as I can't take a joke or whatever. The joke is on me, and I don't think its funny at all.

I don't understand why people can take things such as coming to class lightly. You don't feel like coming, you don't come, is that it? Do you think I always feel like coming? I could have just said, "Let them be. It's their life, They can do whatever they want."

But is that what you really want coming from your classmate, if not a friend? Have you ever thought how much money this course cost? Do you think you could run away from it all by delaying everything? It isn't the whole day, so why not just pay attention for a few hours and gain something? Instead of going somewhere else, and keep worrying about these things? Stand up for yourself and ask yourself , "If I carry this on, where would I be down the road?". Sometimes if you let your heart rule, it would destroy you.


& trust me, it is hard rebuilding yourself up when you reach a level so low.

After this year is over, I wonder where we all will end up. Will you achieve your dreams? Will we be still in contact or too busy caught up with all the stuff in life? Or are we just friends so we can do our work? And how can I tell? People change, and when its for the bad, I almost stop believing in hope.

Don't misunderstand me. I don't hate anyone. I am not using this post as means to attack anyone. I am the one who feel attacked, and I want you to know before everything boils over.

Whoa. MEGA Achievement today! Did parts of my car! In maya lah, not through machine. Omg, I cannot believe I went through today. I was so frustrated about why the bloody image plane cannot align. I kept searching for ways until I feel sick.

AND THE WORST PART WAS, I tried to do everything without a freaking MOUSE!

I was so angry, I literally keep pulling my hair. Luckily, their all still in tact.

I was not able to zoom in or shift my viewpoint. The image plane was so out of alignment with each other, the size of the car kept going wrong! I was so freaking pissed, I annoyed everyone in my house. LOL. My mother came to my rescue and with a firm instruction, made me go to the shop and buy a new mouse. My father told me which mouse I should use, and my mother bought it for me. Thank you!!

After more than half a day trying to figure out how to align the images well, I found the cure! I tried to do something with those images through photoshop, make sure all are the same scale.. Still turn out wrong in Maya. I just resize them in Maya. One simple step took me so long. Gosh. Nvm, I learn the most important step~

Now, I can declare I love Maya. Doing the car makes me so motivated! I believe I can finish my car in a weeks time.

:)

Listening to : Beep by PussyCat Dolls. (very uplifting for me)

Today is a wonderful day!! Omgosh, went jamming after school! And the most strangest thing is, I am beginning to love 3D a lot. I guess when I know how to do something, I begin to be very curious and experiments, start creating something beautiful. Doing a car btw, and I am loving it. Challenging but still doable. Yesh~

Wonderful day : (In no any order, but it does get better and wackier as you read on)
1. I am escstatic throughout the day! Usually, I emo after lessons end. I begin to have creepy thoughts sneaking into my mind. But after reading self-help book, I fucking push the thoughts away and.. wow.

2.I finally believe I am multi-talented both academics, personally, in life and in my own passions. You might not understand what Ima saying, but I've always thought I had limits. Actually, I didn't, if I know where to look.

3.Went jamming and learn some piano notes of my favourite musical piece from Wan Jun. Thank you Wan Jun!! And wow, even just learning four keys, Ima so happy!

4. I have earned the reputation to be the class clown. Always dreamt to be one, and yes, I've finally did it. I have an ultimate passion to make everyone laugh with me and love me. And the first part, I am very sure. Second part, Ima reaching!

5. I am catching up with my assignments! Had panic attacks that literally never allowed me to breathe for some periods of time. It's freaking scary cause death keeps being so real to me. And the panic attacks are caused because I never do my assignments! Ima glad I spent quiet, long time (4 hours & so on) to think again and again about my ideas. I'm finally doing my purddyy maya car!! Purdy and cute. :)

6. Xiang Ting made me laugh very long, and I actually really laughed and beat her! And what's more! My stomach ache like hell, and I love it! Imagine, I didn't think laughter could be forced. But it can be done! And wow, laughing like that makes me go insane up there, and.. wacky ideas come into my head. Thank you Xiang Ting!!

7. I pretended to strum guitars in the MRT! Woah. Imagine, me strumming guitars while strangers look and even stared at me! Ethel lend me her earpiece, and I listened to Avril Lavigne's song. I got so high that I literally start to face the people and start strumming guitar. Some people look funny at me, but I DON"T CARE! Cause they are jealous they can't do that.

8. I screamed at two people buying food at the KFC! HAHA! Cause I was queing up to buy food before going jamming. I turn around to see Wan Jun, Sebastian and Jie jun they all coming to queue up as well. So I turnt BACK around to the KFC menu to decide what to buy. And out of nowhere, Jie Jun poke me! It was kind of painful and so damn sudden, I screamt at the people in front of me. They literally look at me like I am one kind of freak, and stared at me funny. Gosh, I was so embarrased. But I got away with it. And hehehe, I enjoyed it!

*sarcastically---> Thanks Jie Jun... ! XDDDD

9. Took gorgeous pictures of water droplets falling from the roof, and with the light bulbs around, it looks like diamonds falling. WOAHHH! <333 muacks, love those pictures.

10. Saw on documentary TV that werewolves and vampires has a very high chance of EXISTING! Hopefully, can meet nice ones and be friends with them! Maybe can be like them.. CHOY!

11. DDM 1A01 got crazy today during DVDE lessons! Emoing under the chair, strangling each other, laughing until the whole face put blusher, opening up more to one another and talk with each other like in a campfire.. Ohmy, beautiful moments! And thank god, I came today!

And with these lovely reasons, I would like to go to sleep to enjoy the incoming beautiful day! Adios & Sayonara!

P.S.::*don't worry, I'll blog soon enough!