From now on, I shall reveal who I truly am. The way I blog may be different, for that girl was my facade. A way for me to fit in a society which I don't really relate to.
I do live in my own world, blinded by my own strengths and faults.
Don't touch me to make me feel better. Touch me because I am your special one. Don't touch me because you're obligated. Touch me because you long to do so.
I dislike touches that don't mean anything, especially of only lust or anger. I will hate you for it. Especially if a stranger bumps into me many times, especially in MRT's. Of course, it ain't their fault. However, sometimes some of them don't even bother to mantain their balance and keep bumping other people. I almost ,by a strand of hair's patience, cursed and claw that man in the face, maybe include some spit too. Get some balls to balance yourself.
Much as the saying goes "Tell the people you love, that you love them." Well, I don't. If you know me, I don't really express that affection through words. Words are not of utmost importance to me. People are different. Some wants you to say you love them a million times. I don't need that. I want you to show me, to make me believe you care. The meaning, the actions are what I hold on to. If I love you more than anything, I would go up to you and touch you. Massage you, cuddle you. Touching is my way of showing a peek of my heart and my acceptance.
That's why touching for me is a big deal. I am not very open that way but if I do, I give up my soul for you.
In the back of my head, I secretly believe I am unlovable. That if someone did love me, they are lying. That they are mocking me. Trying to deceive me, so I would give up something for them, so I would be at their mercy. Believing that everyone around me just don't really like me as a whole. If I do something that I want but go against them, I will lose everything. My ugly, my beauty. Yes, I have my issues.
Why am I exposing so much right now, right here? If you're affected by what I say, I just want you to know, you're not alone.
Many people feel lonely because they hide their true hearts behind that million dollar smile and that shiny red car.
To B-A:
Well, you've said you've gave them a chance. Gave even me a chance. But, did you really? Your mere smile was not really there for the others, for me to easily approach you. From my view, you bury yourself in entertainment and your own convictions, that they owe you. Maybe you should have instead made a move. If you want to go, you have my best wishes. Let us part with smiles.
Why does love always feel like a battlefield?