I am just beat.

And why did I ever like him? I mean, right now, he is nothing special. Just a random dude trying to pave his way in life. How did I made him so special before? I don't know, it escapes me. And to think I cry over him.

My life wasn't always like this. I wasn't that chick who could just strike a conversation with anyone. I was that chick who was so called, the outcast. The fucking bitch, they would say. The ones who cannot keep her secrets and other secrets to herself. The one who tries to burrow herself in magazines and books, and homework just to make sure she looks like she don't need a friend.

Basically, the one. The lonely one.

I don't know how I get so gregarious. And.. yes, people I do have a past. People sometimes bug me when they say, "So Aisyah, where did all your primary and secondary school friends go?"

"Wah, you so little friend huh? No life outside"

Who are you to judge how much life I have? Just because I don't seem to have as much friends as you do doesn't mean a shit. Not at all. For all I care, all your so called friends are just acquaintances. The few that you said I have, is the few that ever really stuck to me. I'd rather have a few best friends, then tons of acquaintances. Yeah, contacts, whatever. But sometimes, these acquaintances are just people that use you and to be used by you. Just that. Not much deeper connection.

I don't need that. If I do need people to be used, I can easily find them. And I don't have to waste time, mantaining the 'relationship'.

Sorry if I make it sound as though people are so disposable. But, this is how I protect myself. I don't just let anyone stick to me. Either they are my trusted ones, or they are out. Once I feel like the other party doesn't really value me that much, appreciate and all that shit, then, I'll start backing away.

People come and go.

I don't know why I am blogging about this. I am just insulted when people value my worth by counting how many friends I have. They keep doing this to the point I just want to bash their mouth. Maybe even their brain.

And I am also disgusted if you think that friends are like trophies to be showed off. Friends are responsibilities, people to be loved, taken care of, and really be your family. It's like an oath. One can never get to know anyone completely. NEVER. Everyone is so much full of so many layers. If you can have so many friends and still do your best part for every one of them, then I respect you. If not, fuck off.

My worth is for me to judge. If you don't like what I can offer to you, you can walk away. As simple as that.

And I am so fucking pissed by the minute. I think I just need my sleep.

I am just beat.

And why did I ever like him? I mean, right now, he is nothing special. Just a random dude trying to pave his way in life. How did I made him so special before? I don't know, it escapes me. And to think I cry over him.

My life wasn't always like this. I wasn't that chick who could just strike a conversation with anyone. I was that chick who was so called, the outcast. The fucking bitch, they would say. The ones who cannot keep her secrets and other secrets to herself. The one who tries to burrow herself in magazines and books, and homework just to make sure she looks like she don't need a friend.

Basically, the one. The lonely one.

I don't know how I get so gregarious. And.. yes, people I do have a past. People sometimes bug me when they say, "So Aisyah, where did all your primary and secondary school friends go?"

"Wah, you so little friend huh? No life outside"

Who are you to judge how much life I have? Just because I don't seem to have as much friends as you do doesn't mean a shit. Not at all. For all I care, all your so called friends are just acquaintances. The few that you said I have, is the few that ever really stuck to me. I'd rather have a few best friends, then tons of acquaintances. Yeah, contacts, whatever. But sometimes, these acquaintances are just people that use you and to be used by you. Just that. Not much deeper connection.

I don't need that. If I do need people to be used, I can easily find them. And I don't have to waste time, mantaining the 'relationship'.

Sorry if I make it sound as though people are so disposable. But, this is how I protect myself. I don't just let anyone stick to me. Either they are my trusted ones, or they are out. Once I feel like the other party doesn't really value me that much, appreciate and all that shit, then, I'll start backing away.

People come and go.

I don't know why I am blogging about this. I am just insulted when people value my worth by counting how many friends I have. They keep doing this to the point I just want to bash their mouth. Maybe even their brain.

And I am also disgusted if you think that friends are like trophies to be showed off. Friends are responsibilities, people to be loved, taken care of, and really be your family. It's like an oath. One can never get to know anyone completely. NEVER. Everyone is so much full of so many layers. If you can have so many friends and still do your best part for every one of them, then I respect you. If not, fuck off.

My worth is for me to judge. If you don't like what I can offer to you, you can walk away. As simple as that.

And I am so fucking pissed by the minute. I think I just need my sleep.