I was cleaning my laptop from all the old files that are bothering me. It is annoying to see all those icons on my desktop, drives and etc. And there, I found those remnants. Remnants of my old self in little text of diaries.

I was spooked by what I read. I cannot believe I actually wrote these little diary post. It was like having a sneak peek into the secret diary of a girl on the edge of ... disaster. Is that the word? Cause I don't want to use the real word. It was like reading something so awful.

Warning: Might be graphic.

Imagine, while you are cleaning your house, you accidentally found a corpse of your own body lying so mangled, staring at you, but not breathing of course. Your mouth hanging open, as though in a silent scream. Flies buzzing around. One of 'your' hand is twisted but reaching out towards you. 'Your' body having so many deep scars, and some parts of the body were even torn off. Imagine that. Green, decaying body of your own looking at you, hidden in your own house.

Graphic or somewhat gory section over.

That's how I felt when I read those post I had. I cannot believe I was made to feel ashame of liking someone. Ashame that I have desires just like any one else. Ashame of my looks, of my talents, ashame of so many things. Ashamed at my own opinions. Now, I don't even give a shit what you think about me! You want to call me a slut, a fucking bitch, I don't care. Of course if I find you annoying, I might just give you a slap. What matters is my confidence in myself, and constructive advice. I am still insecure somewhat, but ain't that bad like it was before.

I can't believe I let people walk all over me. All those wasted time crying over people that fucked me up. Why did I even bother? Stupid.

Now I sit here wondering, how many people out there right now, doing the same thing I did in the past? Feeling as dead as I had, so heartbroken and disappointed with empty promises. What if I can be there to help them?

Cause these kind of things is bullshit. Part of my life wasted.

Nvm. Hello world, beware. Siti Aisyah's transformed.

I was cleaning my laptop from all the old files that are bothering me. It is annoying to see all those icons on my desktop, drives and etc. And there, I found those remnants. Remnants of my old self in little text of diaries.

I was spooked by what I read. I cannot believe I actually wrote these little diary post. It was like having a sneak peek into the secret diary of a girl on the edge of ... disaster. Is that the word? Cause I don't want to use the real word. It was like reading something so awful.

Warning: Might be graphic.

Imagine, while you are cleaning your house, you accidentally found a corpse of your own body lying so mangled, staring at you, but not breathing of course. Your mouth hanging open, as though in a silent scream. Flies buzzing around. One of 'your' hand is twisted but reaching out towards you. 'Your' body having so many deep scars, and some parts of the body were even torn off. Imagine that. Green, decaying body of your own looking at you, hidden in your own house.

Graphic or somewhat gory section over.

That's how I felt when I read those post I had. I cannot believe I was made to feel ashame of liking someone. Ashame that I have desires just like any one else. Ashame of my looks, of my talents, ashame of so many things. Ashamed at my own opinions. Now, I don't even give a shit what you think about me! You want to call me a slut, a fucking bitch, I don't care. Of course if I find you annoying, I might just give you a slap. What matters is my confidence in myself, and constructive advice. I am still insecure somewhat, but ain't that bad like it was before.

I can't believe I let people walk all over me. All those wasted time crying over people that fucked me up. Why did I even bother? Stupid.

Now I sit here wondering, how many people out there right now, doing the same thing I did in the past? Feeling as dead as I had, so heartbroken and disappointed with empty promises. What if I can be there to help them?

Cause these kind of things is bullshit. Part of my life wasted.

Nvm. Hello world, beware. Siti Aisyah's transformed.