Been happier these days! :) Cause I am controlling my negative thoughts, and forgiving those who had hurt me badly. Not easy, because it seems unfair but I forgave them, and the burden vanished. Still got a long list to go.

Been tired of being so masculine and all. You know why I am so rough? A defense mechanism. I feel so ashamed being feminine cause people keep saying I am ugly, and that I am fat, and that they abused me. So what if I am fat? I am not ugly, cause I have a heart and I do takecare of my skin as well. I hope that those who had cursed me accept themselves, cause they only hate what they hate about themselves.

I still like cursing though. Hehe.

Been missing you. Just wanna hold you close and just say that I love you very much. (This is to all DDM 1b01 lovelies) I want to just have fun with you guys, and get closer just for one day. I want to just get to know you, and listen to you people talk. I want to forget all the grudges and the pain I had and just cherish knowing that I knew all of you, even if its just for a while~

Listening to happy music, and avoiding all the sad ones for now. I am enjoying my sleep for once.

Chris's abuse towards Rihanna case. ISH. Damn it, just stay away from her. If you ever do it again, I hope your career is over. So what if you live in a domestic abuse household? It doesn't mean you should carry on that lifestyle! Whatever she has done to you, you absolutely have no right to even lay a hurtful finger on her.

I went to the bathroom one day, dunk my face into the pail of water, and I just scream. Scream for the pain I see, for the pain I feel, for the pain I hear, for the pain that had made me wiser. I just screamt and take a breath and scream till I feel out of anger. Didn't know I had so much anger & hurt inside, even for things that are like what? 10 years ago?

Now I see my past as a necessary way for me to be where I am now, stronger, and wiser.

I forgive you who belittled me,
who scarred me,
who betrayed me,
who abandoned me when I am in most dire need,
I forgive you who laughed at me,
who lied in my face just to be 'in',
I forgive you who punched me,
who cannot return my love for you,
who spit in my face,
who tried to control me,
I forgive you who talk about themselves 24/7,
who lost the ability to understand me,
who used me and then throw me away,
who only stared at my pain but unwilling to help,
who let me drown just to enjoy their own pain,

Ultimately, I forgive you
for hurting me for everything,
who had been so angry for everyone who had wronged you
and hurt everyone else who never did you any wrong
I forgive you, Siti Aisyah.

I understand you now.



Peace upon you.

Been happier these days! :) Cause I am controlling my negative thoughts, and forgiving those who had hurt me badly. Not easy, because it seems unfair but I forgave them, and the burden vanished. Still got a long list to go.

Been tired of being so masculine and all. You know why I am so rough? A defense mechanism. I feel so ashamed being feminine cause people keep saying I am ugly, and that I am fat, and that they abused me. So what if I am fat? I am not ugly, cause I have a heart and I do takecare of my skin as well. I hope that those who had cursed me accept themselves, cause they only hate what they hate about themselves.

I still like cursing though. Hehe.

Been missing you. Just wanna hold you close and just say that I love you very much. (This is to all DDM 1b01 lovelies) I want to just have fun with you guys, and get closer just for one day. I want to just get to know you, and listen to you people talk. I want to forget all the grudges and the pain I had and just cherish knowing that I knew all of you, even if its just for a while~

Listening to happy music, and avoiding all the sad ones for now. I am enjoying my sleep for once.

Chris's abuse towards Rihanna case. ISH. Damn it, just stay away from her. If you ever do it again, I hope your career is over. So what if you live in a domestic abuse household? It doesn't mean you should carry on that lifestyle! Whatever she has done to you, you absolutely have no right to even lay a hurtful finger on her.

I went to the bathroom one day, dunk my face into the pail of water, and I just scream. Scream for the pain I see, for the pain I feel, for the pain I hear, for the pain that had made me wiser. I just screamt and take a breath and scream till I feel out of anger. Didn't know I had so much anger & hurt inside, even for things that are like what? 10 years ago?

Now I see my past as a necessary way for me to be where I am now, stronger, and wiser.

I forgive you who belittled me,
who scarred me,
who betrayed me,
who abandoned me when I am in most dire need,
I forgive you who laughed at me,
who lied in my face just to be 'in',
I forgive you who punched me,
who cannot return my love for you,
who spit in my face,
who tried to control me,
I forgive you who talk about themselves 24/7,
who lost the ability to understand me,
who used me and then throw me away,
who only stared at my pain but unwilling to help,
who let me drown just to enjoy their own pain,

Ultimately, I forgive you
for hurting me for everything,
who had been so angry for everyone who had wronged you
and hurt everyone else who never did you any wrong
I forgive you, Siti Aisyah.

I understand you now.



Peace upon you.