Some part of me was awakened by Ethel's recent post. The more real side of me, someone people never see.

Maybe I shall use this blog to let my other side express herself.

I've seek for a lot of temporary highs, going after guys that are not worth my time. Stupid. Thinking that if I continue feeling high, everything would turn out alright. Homework piles up and my mind struggles to find a goal worth seeking in life. Yes, passions such as my dreams to be a singer makes me feel alive. But after so long, my heart is dying. So tired of holding on to things that seem to keep going further and further away.

Why am I so easily hurt? Words have such an impact, and I wonder if I have made myself so weak. Neglecting myself to keep others happy, putting smiles when inside, my castle has already crashed into pieces. Sometimes feeling an outcast gives me a soothing feeling, reminding me that I didn't lose my individuality to the crowd. Other times, yes it hurts a lot. Feels like I am not suppose to belong. That the bond among themselves runs deeper than my friendship. But what can I say? Ask them to keep translating for me? Soon, they would find it a burden.

And to you people who keep calling me a burden, yes, it was funny in the moment. But think about it. What is so funny about calling other people a burden? Maybe this world full of violence and cruel stuff has made you stop thinking about what you've just said. I tried to push these thoughts away. Yet, you keep saying I am. And I start to think, do you really think so? That you said what you've felt in the disguise of a joke? You can say whatever you want, such as I can't take a joke or whatever. The joke is on me, and I don't think its funny at all.

I don't understand why people can take things such as coming to class lightly. You don't feel like coming, you don't come, is that it? Do you think I always feel like coming? I could have just said, "Let them be. It's their life, They can do whatever they want."

But is that what you really want coming from your classmate, if not a friend? Have you ever thought how much money this course cost? Do you think you could run away from it all by delaying everything? It isn't the whole day, so why not just pay attention for a few hours and gain something? Instead of going somewhere else, and keep worrying about these things? Stand up for yourself and ask yourself , "If I carry this on, where would I be down the road?". Sometimes if you let your heart rule, it would destroy you.


& trust me, it is hard rebuilding yourself up when you reach a level so low.

After this year is over, I wonder where we all will end up. Will you achieve your dreams? Will we be still in contact or too busy caught up with all the stuff in life? Or are we just friends so we can do our work? And how can I tell? People change, and when its for the bad, I almost stop believing in hope.

Don't misunderstand me. I don't hate anyone. I am not using this post as means to attack anyone. I am the one who feel attacked, and I want you to know before everything boils over.

Some part of me was awakened by Ethel's recent post. The more real side of me, someone people never see.

Maybe I shall use this blog to let my other side express herself.

I've seek for a lot of temporary highs, going after guys that are not worth my time. Stupid. Thinking that if I continue feeling high, everything would turn out alright. Homework piles up and my mind struggles to find a goal worth seeking in life. Yes, passions such as my dreams to be a singer makes me feel alive. But after so long, my heart is dying. So tired of holding on to things that seem to keep going further and further away.

Why am I so easily hurt? Words have such an impact, and I wonder if I have made myself so weak. Neglecting myself to keep others happy, putting smiles when inside, my castle has already crashed into pieces. Sometimes feeling an outcast gives me a soothing feeling, reminding me that I didn't lose my individuality to the crowd. Other times, yes it hurts a lot. Feels like I am not suppose to belong. That the bond among themselves runs deeper than my friendship. But what can I say? Ask them to keep translating for me? Soon, they would find it a burden.

And to you people who keep calling me a burden, yes, it was funny in the moment. But think about it. What is so funny about calling other people a burden? Maybe this world full of violence and cruel stuff has made you stop thinking about what you've just said. I tried to push these thoughts away. Yet, you keep saying I am. And I start to think, do you really think so? That you said what you've felt in the disguise of a joke? You can say whatever you want, such as I can't take a joke or whatever. The joke is on me, and I don't think its funny at all.

I don't understand why people can take things such as coming to class lightly. You don't feel like coming, you don't come, is that it? Do you think I always feel like coming? I could have just said, "Let them be. It's their life, They can do whatever they want."

But is that what you really want coming from your classmate, if not a friend? Have you ever thought how much money this course cost? Do you think you could run away from it all by delaying everything? It isn't the whole day, so why not just pay attention for a few hours and gain something? Instead of going somewhere else, and keep worrying about these things? Stand up for yourself and ask yourself , "If I carry this on, where would I be down the road?". Sometimes if you let your heart rule, it would destroy you.


& trust me, it is hard rebuilding yourself up when you reach a level so low.

After this year is over, I wonder where we all will end up. Will you achieve your dreams? Will we be still in contact or too busy caught up with all the stuff in life? Or are we just friends so we can do our work? And how can I tell? People change, and when its for the bad, I almost stop believing in hope.

Don't misunderstand me. I don't hate anyone. I am not using this post as means to attack anyone. I am the one who feel attacked, and I want you to know before everything boils over.