:)
Been sick these few days, bad flu, burning head and a feels-like-bleeding throat. Terrible days are like an understatement. Been having nightmares and dreams of escaping a building, trapped in maze, I keep seeing myself on the brink of death. Maybe its just my mind healing itself.

I feel like I'm already 80 years old. No phonecalls, no smses, staying in home in hopes of a better day. Waging a war inside my mind, my body, my dreams. And I am scared if this is how its going to be like when I'm old and not working anymore. Is it going to be a repeat?

Have you ever thought how it would feel to die? Pardon me for my bleakness and thoughts of dying, but I'm trying to accept that day is coming. Imagine yourself alone, cold, and seven feet underground. All the memories,the sins, the smiles, would people still remember me? Would you even cry for me? No, I am not trying to beg your sympathy, don't misunderstand. I just want to leave a mark, a good one, on Earth. If I go to hell or heaven, that is beyond me to decide, I can only do what I can now. Would I roam around crying that my dreams never been achieved? Or would I die with my beloved by my side, going away with happy tears and a smile?

I keep remembering everything in my life, the blood, the laughters, the love. Am I doing enough right now? I don't think so.

I just hope that when you read this, you would not die as a dreamer. But as a hero.

I've always treasured those tiny little moments where I forgot about the world, the war, the deaths, the sufferings of people innocent and unknowing. How much more blood is going to spill? Being rich, fame, 'beauty' and pride.. such lies for a fulfilling life.

Double zeros model. Pretty isn't it? Such small waists. Guys oggling their eyes at you, is that what you want? Is that what you just want?

My favourite celebrity, Lydia has passed away. I hope she's alright now. So many people dying but I kept seeing people repeating the same mistakes again and again. How many times must you watch the tragedies before you accept it and wake up, do something?

Too many wasted times, hopes lost. I don't wish it to repeat anymore.

The change starts now.

I don't want people to say at my funeral that..

"You could have chosen a different path in life."

:)
Been sick these few days, bad flu, burning head and a feels-like-bleeding throat. Terrible days are like an understatement. Been having nightmares and dreams of escaping a building, trapped in maze, I keep seeing myself on the brink of death. Maybe its just my mind healing itself.

I feel like I'm already 80 years old. No phonecalls, no smses, staying in home in hopes of a better day. Waging a war inside my mind, my body, my dreams. And I am scared if this is how its going to be like when I'm old and not working anymore. Is it going to be a repeat?

Have you ever thought how it would feel to die? Pardon me for my bleakness and thoughts of dying, but I'm trying to accept that day is coming. Imagine yourself alone, cold, and seven feet underground. All the memories,the sins, the smiles, would people still remember me? Would you even cry for me? No, I am not trying to beg your sympathy, don't misunderstand. I just want to leave a mark, a good one, on Earth. If I go to hell or heaven, that is beyond me to decide, I can only do what I can now. Would I roam around crying that my dreams never been achieved? Or would I die with my beloved by my side, going away with happy tears and a smile?

I keep remembering everything in my life, the blood, the laughters, the love. Am I doing enough right now? I don't think so.

I just hope that when you read this, you would not die as a dreamer. But as a hero.

I've always treasured those tiny little moments where I forgot about the world, the war, the deaths, the sufferings of people innocent and unknowing. How much more blood is going to spill? Being rich, fame, 'beauty' and pride.. such lies for a fulfilling life.

Double zeros model. Pretty isn't it? Such small waists. Guys oggling their eyes at you, is that what you want? Is that what you just want?

My favourite celebrity, Lydia has passed away. I hope she's alright now. So many people dying but I kept seeing people repeating the same mistakes again and again. How many times must you watch the tragedies before you accept it and wake up, do something?

Too many wasted times, hopes lost. I don't wish it to repeat anymore.

The change starts now.

I don't want people to say at my funeral that..

"You could have chosen a different path in life."